Only 364 More Shopping Days...

Start now, get a jump on things. Don't ask for tinsle the day before festive occasions, or actually expect it to be available. Ah well. It's over. Now starts the season of returning all the unwanted merchandise that people spent too much on anyway. Went home, read their bank statements, winced painfully, and brought it all back. Rent a gift...someone should just start a renting center for all your gifting needs. Wasn't so bad this year at the end, people regained some civility and rationality, if only for three days. The new year looms darkly on the horizon. What awaits us in retail then! *GASP* The horror, the horror. So, hollow people, you did not succeed in bringing me down into your gutural level of insanity and rudeness this season. Try again next year if you're up for the challenge.

A Further Descent into Madness

Well, well, with the holiday season upon us, one can only expect the best and horrid worst of people. Some are delighted to simply have a home, job, and food on a regular basis. They are going through life trying to not make it any harder for others. Thank you, all of you, you are the majority. Then there are the rest of you greedy little buggers...rude, selfish, and inexcusable. Please do not push rudely in front of people of any age who were waiting patiently before you. Please do not be greedy...everything at this time of year is not FREE at the retail stores. Besides do you really need an electric shaving cream warmer or some gadget that "salon" dries your nail polish instantly? Work with me here. Is it worth arguing over? When stores are out of seasonal merchandise, they are out of seasonal merchandise...there are no more shipments of holiday junk during the holiday season! It all came in during June and July when you were buying the stuff that came in during January. Do we see a pattern here? There are no magical little elves in the warehouses sending sleighs of tinsel and ribbon nightly to your local retailer. Give it a rest. Shopkeepers are there to assist you, not be your personal shopper. We don't care what you're buying for some cousin you only see once a year. Don't expect lots of personalized service at the busiest time of year...you should have started in August if that's what you need. Just wait, take it easy, it will all come out alright. Please remember that there are several hundred other people who also did not have the foresight to make holiday photo greeting cards in advance also needing to use the self-help photo machine, who also must wait in line, and can not use a simple touch screen by themselves either. Best of the season and all that rot, and enjoy the approxamately two months of madness.

When Tweezers Just Aren't Enough

"Which one of these works best, I mean, which one of them is the strongest?"

So that was the question today. It came from a polite woman in her late forties or so, with a slight drawl, tidily dressed. It seemed sensible enough, a fair question. I want people to be at ease when asking such questions about sensitive and personal topics. After all, they came to the drugstore for help. Except I have no idea which over the counter facial remover would work the best. She continued...

"I've used the regular ones before and they worked really well, but I never thought there was a difference..."

Yes, some bottles of Nair and like products are for specific areas, like the legs, bikini line, and the face. I tried not to study her face for fuzz as she pantomimed putting on hair removal cream for me.

"I never even looked until the last time I was using this one and it kind of started to burn..."

Yes, putting the chemical designated for removing coarse leg hair on your more sensitive face is probably not the best idea. Yes, they are basically the same, but one is specifically designed to be put on your FACE...that is why is has FACE labeled on the bottle. It won't eat the flesh from your lower jaw and hopefully will not leave a rash (oh rashy people out there, hear my cry or laugh as the case may be)that people will question you about.

"Don't they make bigger bottles, I want a BIG bottle! See? I want to put it all over down here on my chin and down to my neck..."

Er...no. They don't make super-sized bottles of facial hair remover.

Sorry folks, there are some decisions I simply can not make for you. After we looked at all of the bottles, and I explained the differences, I left her to make her own decision. I do not want to familiarize myself with the grain and texture of your hair follicles. I am not going to choose what concoction you should put on your face so you can come back and tell me that it didn't work for you, and that you are going back to the leg hair strength cream that caused a burning sensation.

Unwanted facial hair? Truly a crisis in the beauty aisle. I'm 29 years old. I know some people near my age do, but I don't have unwanted facial hair nor do I use products for it. With any luck, I will never have too, and I'm sorry for those of you who do have this cosmetic dilemma. Try not to alarm me though with such questions when the answer is plainly on the bottle. We'll take it up with the manufacturers that they should put "alarms" on them much like people do with chili. "One Alarm" could be for mild peachy fuzz, "Two Alarm" for slightly irritating growth, all the way up to "Five Alarm" for stiffer than the boar bristles in your hair brush. If that's not enough, please consult your health care provider or dermatologist for a prescription strength remedy. Have a good day!

A word (or two) about the less than wise

phEver meet someone who wonder how they made it this far in life? I'm not perfect, and I don't ever expect anyone to be. Some people have no common sense, powers of observation, nor rational thought in their bodies. How have they managed not to be hit by a car, fall off of a bridge, or be pecked senseless by mean sparrows? Some people I really do wonder about. They must have more going for them in other aspects in life than when I meet them.

I work in a retail pharmacy, where I get to study humans in one of their natural habitats. A never ending source of entertainment. How can someone who managed to drive forty miles to get there, walk across a parking lot, and survived their own work week, suddenly drop all common sense when they enter a store. No, I do not know what kind of memory card your camera that you "think" is digital, would take. I can guess, but that doesn't mean it will be right. Do you have the camera with you? No. Hmm...let me look into my crystal ball. You still can't tell left from right? No, the pharmacy does not sell vegetables, but you don't want to walk outside and around the corner of the building to the GROCERY store. How do you get along without my coworkers or my very lighthouse of directions showing you the way? Where's the GPS?

So how have such people made it this far in life? They do not understand the things in their own possession, they don't what direction they are going, and won't be feeding themselves any time soon due to laziness. The rest of us are not hear to guide you through the rest of your existence, we're just here to point and laugh and take it to heart not to be like you. Thank you for the lesson in how to be a responsible, caring, rational human. It's still funny.