Falling Off the Wagon

Really hard to maintain postitive inertia. Everyone else around me apparently has gone mad. Either that or I was so deep into my own negativity that they always seemed more pleasant and content. Amusing in its own right actually. Last couple of days have been hard. So I've started doodling in my spare time, listening to my tunes more, and practicing calm. Almost constant interruptions at work when I'm trying to stay balanced. Irritated at home too. I forget that husband gets glazed look when I talk on and on about a topic and then go off on tangents that seem irrelevent to him. Never ask someone "How was your day?" unless you REALLY want to hear the answer. That annoyed me though because I needed to vent. Went back to work and confessed about attempted venting at home. Go to work so I can talk about home, go home so I can talk about work. I'll try keeping them in their respective, in context spaces instead. No one is without flaw, the trick is to hide it well.

Experiments in Positive Thinking

So the new outlook is going well. Feeding off more positive energy is making the days go much faster. Here's the funny part...I'm feeling great, and everyone else around me now is in dark despair and negativity. I can retain the sarcasm and mocking of life, but now I've just been laughing about it instead of brooding. I have displaced the blackness onto those around me...ha! Odd but entertaining. Alright, so they've all done it to themselves, but such timing! It's like tailor-made for the week. I'm getting a total kick out of it. Now if I can continue with the positive energy, it will be incredible when everyone else gets back to normal.

Refocusing

The objective is somehow intangible though. It's like that little blind spot that hides the stars when you look directly at them. Have thought of a few things though. Let cynicism and bitterness go to where they rightly belong now before I end up on the street corner yelling "What the hell happened?!". Being true to yourself...but who am I, what am I? What was I? What have I become? More confused. No one wants to hear that rubbish, everyone has their own inner quandries. So why voice it? Maybe it's the hope that one person will hear, just one, and help me refocus myself. There has to be a better tomorrow and a better way to get there. Hard to care most days. Time to feed off of being a better version of myself, back to the way things once were. I liked who I was once upon a time. To find the way back, surely it is possible.

Maybe I Should Have Taken the Road More Traveled

I don't know. Not a clue. Where the heck am I going for the next decade of my life? I really don't know. Twenty through twenty-nine were open for suggestions, but I ended up with exactly what I wanted. Now...er...well, my vision is blurred. New career? New locale? Some goal to shoot for would be good. It's like I have all the time in the world, but it's running out too fast. What do I want to do with it? How to be just happy again? Maybe this is not the best of times in the greater scheme of things to start desiring change. Poor economy (do we ever tire of hearing about it? every day!), a three year old kiddo grinning at me as I write this, and a job that some days is in question whether it will be there tomorrow. Move to the forest and live off the land again. At least that gives peace to the soul. Living in town is awful, just awful. There is no escape from the boredom within it. It's overwhelming. So where to go, what to do for the next ten years? Maybe I'll work on that while going back to the daily grind. Maybe the road more traveled would have worked out better than the non-conformist, off-beat one I've taken. Hind-sight maybe 20/20, but the future is blurry.

Only 364 More Shopping Days...

Start now, get a jump on things. Don't ask for tinsle the day before festive occasions, or actually expect it to be available. Ah well. It's over. Now starts the season of returning all the unwanted merchandise that people spent too much on anyway. Went home, read their bank statements, winced painfully, and brought it all back. Rent a gift...someone should just start a renting center for all your gifting needs. Wasn't so bad this year at the end, people regained some civility and rationality, if only for three days. The new year looms darkly on the horizon. What awaits us in retail then! *GASP* The horror, the horror. So, hollow people, you did not succeed in bringing me down into your gutural level of insanity and rudeness this season. Try again next year if you're up for the challenge.

A Further Descent into Madness

Well, well, with the holiday season upon us, one can only expect the best and horrid worst of people. Some are delighted to simply have a home, job, and food on a regular basis. They are going through life trying to not make it any harder for others. Thank you, all of you, you are the majority. Then there are the rest of you greedy little buggers...rude, selfish, and inexcusable. Please do not push rudely in front of people of any age who were waiting patiently before you. Please do not be greedy...everything at this time of year is not FREE at the retail stores. Besides do you really need an electric shaving cream warmer or some gadget that "salon" dries your nail polish instantly? Work with me here. Is it worth arguing over? When stores are out of seasonal merchandise, they are out of seasonal merchandise...there are no more shipments of holiday junk during the holiday season! It all came in during June and July when you were buying the stuff that came in during January. Do we see a pattern here? There are no magical little elves in the warehouses sending sleighs of tinsel and ribbon nightly to your local retailer. Give it a rest. Shopkeepers are there to assist you, not be your personal shopper. We don't care what you're buying for some cousin you only see once a year. Don't expect lots of personalized service at the busiest time of year...you should have started in August if that's what you need. Just wait, take it easy, it will all come out alright. Please remember that there are several hundred other people who also did not have the foresight to make holiday photo greeting cards in advance also needing to use the self-help photo machine, who also must wait in line, and can not use a simple touch screen by themselves either. Best of the season and all that rot, and enjoy the approxamately two months of madness.

Adieu 20's

This is the last day of my 20 something decade of life. Tomorrow is my 30th birthday, another year of my life gone. Sounds sort of grim doesn't it? Sometimes another 50 or 60 years just doesn't seem like enough...maybe another 70 or 80? Who knows? It has been a decade well spent though. Grasping onto adulthood, moving on, starting a wonderful family, rooting myself further into what defines me. I accomplished what I wanted in that short time. Do I have any answers though? No. Maybe I'll find some in the next decade or two.

My Affinity for Gin and Tonic

I have no true love of alcohol...neither for its taste nor recreational misuse. I don't enjoy hangovers or the thought of them, the feeling like little muddy feet ran tiny little marathons on my tongue at night. I've gone through moments of tequila in a true margarita (not the fruity slushy stuff), to a glass of chardonnay or more preferably riesling (sweet is good). The only one I truly enjoy and that has outlasted the others is a good gin and tonic. Not sure why, maybe the lime, the juniper flavor, the bitterness of quinine. Ah, the cold, refreshing quality of this classic mixed drink. Especially after a long, dull day at work. See, there's a little bit of happiness in the bottom...look closely, just like in my treasured cup of coffee. Except I bought store brand tonic water. Nasty. Tastes like licking an envelope. Stick to the Schweppes's.

Why I Continue to Roll My Eyes at Courtney Hansen

I'm lying on the couch, enjoying all the benefits an early autumn cold has to offer. The husband has made a wonderful venison potpie full of mushrooms, onions, and other vegetable goodness. Tasty. He's talking to some weirdo (my words, not his) on paltalk, and clicking between screens. My head is stuffy, and then that annoying screen saver of Courtney pops up every other click. Blah, I'd like to hand her my cruddy tissue. Sure she's attractive enough, doesn't do a lot for me, but the male populace all tune in for lame television shows about cars just to watch her. She's just a woman, not a goddess dropped from fantasy. Poor woman, probably gets the creepiest fan mail from weirdos (my words, not hers) wanting her to spank them. Icky. She does no harm to my personal life, I have no jealousy of an actress who I will never meet, it's just the site of her and the vulgar groan my husband makes when she crosses the television screen that repulse me. Although I am sure she is a delightful and intelligent woman, I can not help but be annoyed. She always manages to make me feel a little worse about my general persona, and I don't really like beings who deflate my inflated ego-mania. So, as long as the husband continues to ogle the lovely Ms. Hansen, I will continue to roll my eyes and dismiss her as a life size Barbie with no substance who makes my cold just that much worse. Take that you car-hopping floozy! The potpie was really great though.

Better Tasting Water...

So, do you use those Brita filtration pitchers or faucet heads that make your water taste ever so much more fresh, and well, like water? I do, but I have long been concerned over the disposal of the filters. Apparently I'm not the only one. They have been recycling the filters in Europe for some time, but we're a little behind. We do not recycle them, and they're headed for the trash . Still less plastic headed for the landfill (for those of you who do not recycle) than bottled water, but still a problem none the less. Think of a few million filters that could have been reclaimed rather than thrown away. An online petition to the Clorox company has been formed. To sign it go to http://www.takebackthefilter.org and ask them to start a program to recycle used filters, reuse plastic for new ones, and maybe make the refillable. Who knows, maybe we'll be able to do a little more to help out.

When Tweezers Just Aren't Enough

"Which one of these works best, I mean, which one of them is the strongest?"

So that was the question today. It came from a polite woman in her late forties or so, with a slight drawl, tidily dressed. It seemed sensible enough, a fair question. I want people to be at ease when asking such questions about sensitive and personal topics. After all, they came to the drugstore for help. Except I have no idea which over the counter facial remover would work the best. She continued...

"I've used the regular ones before and they worked really well, but I never thought there was a difference..."

Yes, some bottles of Nair and like products are for specific areas, like the legs, bikini line, and the face. I tried not to study her face for fuzz as she pantomimed putting on hair removal cream for me.

"I never even looked until the last time I was using this one and it kind of started to burn..."

Yes, putting the chemical designated for removing coarse leg hair on your more sensitive face is probably not the best idea. Yes, they are basically the same, but one is specifically designed to be put on your FACE...that is why is has FACE labeled on the bottle. It won't eat the flesh from your lower jaw and hopefully will not leave a rash (oh rashy people out there, hear my cry or laugh as the case may be)that people will question you about.

"Don't they make bigger bottles, I want a BIG bottle! See? I want to put it all over down here on my chin and down to my neck..."

Er...no. They don't make super-sized bottles of facial hair remover.

Sorry folks, there are some decisions I simply can not make for you. After we looked at all of the bottles, and I explained the differences, I left her to make her own decision. I do not want to familiarize myself with the grain and texture of your hair follicles. I am not going to choose what concoction you should put on your face so you can come back and tell me that it didn't work for you, and that you are going back to the leg hair strength cream that caused a burning sensation.

Unwanted facial hair? Truly a crisis in the beauty aisle. I'm 29 years old. I know some people near my age do, but I don't have unwanted facial hair nor do I use products for it. With any luck, I will never have too, and I'm sorry for those of you who do have this cosmetic dilemma. Try not to alarm me though with such questions when the answer is plainly on the bottle. We'll take it up with the manufacturers that they should put "alarms" on them much like people do with chili. "One Alarm" could be for mild peachy fuzz, "Two Alarm" for slightly irritating growth, all the way up to "Five Alarm" for stiffer than the boar bristles in your hair brush. If that's not enough, please consult your health care provider or dermatologist for a prescription strength remedy. Have a good day!

The Big Tent

As before mentioned, my child is having a birthday. Today is that fine milestone, and it's a pleasant low-key affair with just the three of us, one border collie, a carrot cake, a couple of new toys and a book, and the tent. We ordered one of those kid tents for indoor/outdoor use that has a connecting tunnel and three entrances. We opened the tent this morning and set it up for her, and she was busily crawling in and out before we could get the poles in. The tent is bigger than I thought though. Yes, I read the measurements and dimensions of it before I bought it, but it didn't seem that BIG until it was set up. Four feet square and four feet tall, with a four foot tunnel extending out of the side. Hmm. Requires rearranging of furniture and possibly rooms for the optimal space. She's happy with it though, crawling through, running in and out, around, peeking through the mesh, and it makes a lovely crinkling sound the entire time as busy little feet trot through.

On Turning Two

My daughter will be two next week. She is blissfully unaware of this significant date in her life as she leans against me sucking her thumb. She is however aware that she can climb out of her crib now, there by making nap time more amusing. She is aware that she can open the door to the pantry, and help herself to the broom and mop and trash. She knows she can throw things, tell me no in a firm, stubborn tone, and that she doesn't want help eating a messy bowl of soup. She knows how to make ladders from chairs and toys to reach things she shouldn't, to climb on bigger chairs to play with the light switch, and color on the walls with a blue crayon. She also knows how to give hugs, blow kisses, pet the dog gently, and share her food with Daddy. She helps with laundry, bringing clothes for me to hang, and throws away pieces of stuff she finds on the floor in the trash. She wakes up smiling and laughing every morning and is always happy when I come home from work. Her insatiable curiosity and exploring is nothing but charming and fascinating. I hope she remains unaware of those significant dates just a little longer.

Rashy People

I want to discuss a major heath issue with all of you for a moment. It is a crisis facing many of those amongst us, maybe the person sitting next to you as you read this. Rashes. Seriously.

As mentioned in previous posts, I work in a retail pharmacy. Regularly on weekends there are rashy people. The people that don't want to go the emergency room for an itchy patch of redness since there are no clinics and most doctors are only open Saturday mornings in the small towns in Western Colorado. Can't say I blame them considering the fee, and having to sit next to the person whose arm is dangling uselessly at their side (I fell off of a roof, what are you here for...Oh I have a rash...). So rashy people do the next best thing. They go to pharmacies/drugstores for the quick diagnosis. This consists of them informing the pharmacist or person closet to hydrocortisone that they have a RASH. What should they put on it? And they pull up their shirt, roll up a sleeve, pull down the edge of their slacks, and we'll stop there. Eew! What do you think is causing it? It really itches! Nope already tried the Benadryl, orally and topical, the calamine lotion, loratidine, the hydrocortisone, and every conceivable over the counter remedy known to mankind. And it still itches!

Please, put down you shirt, sir or madame, old or young, resident or tourist, and consider going to the doctor. We've offered all of our fine suggestions, and although we fill prescriptions, we don't make clinical evaluations here. Sorry. Don't tell me anymore about the itching, redness, how you haven't changed your laundry detergent, perfumes, lotions, diet, or anything else, or the oozing and scabs. Yuck. Don't worry Monday is coming, and rashes only happen on weekends.

Spring Fever

I'm having those little spring outbreaks still. The urge to compost, dig in soil, grow something edible. The snow is receeding and now there is nasty mud everywhere waiting for plant life to make its appearance once again. Won't get my hopes up too much...I'll wait until at least April for winter to go.

Confusion, Frustration, and Other Moments

Most of you probably suffer from the title emotions. Wanting what we do not have, trying to be happy with what we do, seeking a way to change and alter the future and to shape it to our desire. To find a way...hmm...

Funny how you find yourself wanting things you never thought you would. Like a house and a yard. The quintessential American dream, June making dinner for Ward, Wally, and the Beav, decked out in her heels and pearl necklace. Hi honey, how was the office today. Okay, so not that quaint-essential. You want stability though, space of your own, to do what you want to do.

How do you get there and how long does it take? Different for everyone, but still agitating when it's not in your grasp.

Winter Reflections

It's back again. The traveling bug. The urge to move to a new place with new adventures, new horizons, new thoughts. Why is it so hard to stay in one place for so long? A restless spirit perhaps. Spring fever maybe. *sigh* Ah well, boredom with one place, day after day, I suppose everyone gets it.

Don't get me wrong, I like winter. The snow is nice and clean, it's cold and dry, and there are no biting insects, loud people, or sweat beads trickling down my neck. I miss doing more winter sports at times, hard to find the time or money to commit to it. Other things are more important these days, and that's okay. After all there is an entire lifetime ahead to pick up old hobbies again. I have the urge to go hiking and mountain biking this spring too. Ugh, maybe it is just spring fever.

The Perfect Pumpkin Pie

So it's that time of year again. Fall produce abounds everywhere you go. Squash of all kinds, curious gourds, apples, and the ubiquitous pumpkin. We grew our own pumpkins this year, pesticide free (bugs don't seem to excited by them), compost pile and all. So I have two symmetrical pumpkins waiting for my experimentation. My husband rotated them while they were growing to maintain such a nice round shape, and they're lovely. Now to chop them in two, gut them, and cook them to a pulp.

I don't seem to have a pumpkin pie recipe amongst all of my files of food. Go figure, I mean I only make them once every year or two, talk about incompetance...sheesh! The moment is upon us though. My co-workers have once again voted overwhelmingly to have a potluck. That haphazard and random collection of food that no one normally serves together, but when taken away from their natural habit find is perfectly acceptable gastro-intestinal delight. Maalox milkshakes will be served as a final course for those who deem it necessary.

I have them all excited about a FRESH, not canned, pumpkin pie. With some scouring of the internet, I have found a potential recipe for home-grown, fresh pumpkin, that has a lot of potential. It must be perfect, as a tribute to the long, (mostly) patient waiting for the pumpkins to ripen, not to mention to show off a little and I don't serve people nastiness. A little anal, yes, but worth the effort. So we'll see how it all turns out.

I Can't Remember My Trip to Everest

The reason for this is because you killed too many brain cells while enjoying your climb to the oxygen deficient regions of the planet. This is not worth of a Discovery Channel documentary. Wow, you have found yet another way to make people even stupider. Congratulations, now go take care of that frostbite.

My better half was pointing out these little details as we were watching a commercial for an upcoming show. When someone tells you that people were not meant to be at such an altitude, it would seem reasonable to leave it alone. Not so to the once-rational and coherent climber who continues on in its quest for vanity and self-gratification.

If you're one of these odd little people who like to tempt the fates and do not care about your brain cells, let me put it as simply as I can since that is all you can now understand. No oxygen, duh. That will be why you can not remember your trip to Everest, better take a camera.

Waste

I have a lot of thoughts while drinking a cup of coffee in the morning. Today it's about how a lot of people do not care about the land they inhabit, nor the wasteful attitudes that they perpetuate. No matter how many ads they see about being good stewards of the earth, air, and water, they still throw trash out their car windows and refuse to throw aluminum cans in the bin next to the trash can. How hard can it be? Recently I was describing the lackadaisical attitude of people who visit the area and don't care about the environment since they don't live here. Her response was, oh well, who cares anyway? "I care," I replied in frustration, which took her aback. My friend for a moment saw that environmental awareness and responsibility has a real human face and body, not just a bunch of abbreviated letters, that some people really do CARE. I was confused, I had spent a moment of my life telling a story to someone who I thought was understanding my ideals, only to realize that they don't really care either. Insightful, yet disappointing.

Well and good, how nice, tree-hugging, blah, blah, blah, you say? True, along with the flippant attitude people have about every place being their personal playground to trash, goes the death of personal respect for other individuals. The prevailing attitude is get out of my way, can't you see I'm talking about some really important matters on my cell phone (what kind of juice does your boyfriend's cousin like, in case he ever might stop by, and oh, can you staple everything on my desk together immediately, my shoelaces are too tight, and are you sitting or standing right now?). You know, really important stuff, we all talk about it, but some of us are polite enough to hold those thoughts just long enough to pause and communicate with the world we are stumbling through.

Doesn't seem like the land and cell phones have much to do with each other? It's all about respect, about integrity, and having the good manners of a guest, whether you're a guest in the forest, a place of business, or your family's home. If you're one of those who lack genuine respect for others and yourself, give it a try, and for everyone else it's a reminder to keep up the effort. Yes, it CAN be a little better world that we can change with our own attitudes. Take a moment and evaluate your own attitude, see what you can do to make it better, to be less wastefull.